Don't Date The Douche
- Kate Crawford
- Oct 6, 2016
- 4 min read
So once again, it's past midnight and I can't get a thought out of my brain.
You may have recently seen my Facebook post about a blog titled "Date someone who treats you like shit". Now, normally, I hate that word. I think it's repulsive and unnecessary but for this entry, considering the focus, I hope you can see past my liberal use of it.
Kendra Syndral, I just want you to know that I love you, and my heart grieves to think that this is what the path to true love and self-worth looks like for you.
I also understand that for a lot of the young women out there, this seems to be the only way.
I'm here to tell you that it's not.
Since I shared that blog two days ago, I haven't been able to get it off my mind.
I've been sitting here wondering, waiting for some of the greater bloggers, such as Sabrina Peters or Taylor Madu, to share their God-inspired, love-imbued opinion on it. But then I realised, I'm sitting here with a brain, a heart and an ability to speak up and reach out.
The blog begins with "All of those articles and essays you’ve read about “the love you deserve” and finding someone who loves you at your worst? Forget them."
Don't forget them. Cling on to them. Treasure them. Guard them with all your might. It's the only thing separating you from truth and the toxic lie that is "false worth".
This is for all the girls who believe this lie as truth.
(and those who share my thoughts and wanna fist pump the air saying HELL-YEAH)
According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, approximately one in five women (19 per cent) have experienced sexual violence at some stage in their lives since the age of 15 and one in three women (33 per cent) have experienced physical violence at some stage in their lives since the age of 15.*
Women who are victims of rape often choose to pursue men after the fact because it then makes them feel "in control" by choosing who they give themselves to.
By accepting this mantra of "embrace the misuse", we are justifying the actions of the abuser and enabling the horrific cycle of emotional and physical abuse all the while discrediting the women (and men!) stuck in these situations feeling like they have no way out.
You play with fire when you taunt a relationship based on insecurity and acceptance of misuse.
There is only one way to avoid getting into these situations and that is to know your value before getting into them.
The best way to discover your true value is to wait
When you buy a piece of art, the value doesn't decrease with time but rather increases.
When wine is set in a cask the quality doesn't decrease it increases.
These things appreciate more value the longer time passes.
William Shakespeare himself said "Don't waste your love on someone who doesn't value it" (granted that's from the worst love story ever written but still, there's truth to that single line)
When you wait to discover yourself, your likes, dislikes, passions and truths, you develop a sense of value, understanding and respect for yourself.
When you wait to grow and mature and experience life as an independent, fully functioning adult, you can then understand in more depth what a co-dependent relationship looks like.
When you wait, you do yourself a justice and prove to the world that you are worth waiting for.
This is not an exclusion from dating.
By all means, go on dates, find out what you like and what you don't, be non-committal about finding someone while you figure out what you want.
But wait until you've found yourself.
Go live your life, create stories, gain friends, go to university, fail a degree, start another one, get a job, quit that job, jump careers 3 times, travel, see the world, be your own person.
You are already loved beyond compare.
That's right. You are loved.
Beyond compare.
Nothing can separate us from the love that's found in Jesus.
No height, depth, fear, past, present, future, broken heart, broken lives, confidence or pride.
Even when we refuse to accept it ourselves!
Absolutely. Nothing.
Jesus is the one who died out of that love.
And His Father, our Father, is the one who created us out of that love.
Created us with care, precision, intimacy, and intent.
Fully aware of the mistakes we will make and the successes we will celebrate.
He already loves us the way we were meant to be loved.
He already values us with a full understanding of our value.
He already treasures us knowing our true worth.
Not with some second rate, second hand love we are so acculturated into thinking we deserve.
This is not the standard we should set for ourselves
A dear friend said "This blog plays with people's ideas of self-worth, and at the same time [justifies] the abusers actions."
Is this what we want for our children?
Better yet,
Is this what we want for our generation?
It's up to us to take a stand and decide what true value does and doesn't look like.
It doesn't look like jealousy, or drama, or hatred, or envy, or selfishness, or immaturity.
It does look like acceptance, patience, compassion, truth, maturity, communication, unadulterated and unconditional.
We set the culture by the behaviour that we accept.
Will you accept mediocrity?
Will you accept anything less than what you deserve?
Will you choose to Date The Douche?
If your answer is no, then wait.
Wait and reap the incomprehensible benefits
With all my love,
- Kate xo
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